This Is What Transition Actually Feels Like

By Hetal Joshi Gordon | Dream Big, Think Big

Glaciers move so slowly you can't see it happening. But the force is enormous — and the landscape after is completely different from the landscape before.

That's this year for me.

For most of my career, money solved everything.

Not because I was careless. Because I was busy. A big job, a big salary, a lot of stock — and almost no time. So money became my tool for everything.

Burnt out? I once bought myself a very expensive necklace. Not just because I loved it, which I did. Because I was exhausted and I wanted to feel better — and buying it was something I could actually do. I'm not even a big shopper, so that tells you something.

This decade coincided with my children's formative years. Kids unhappy? I'd find something helpful or meaningful to buy them. From a flight. From a hotel room in any city in the world. Whatever I could type into a browser and have delivered. It was always thoughtful, so I didn't think too much about it.

The emotion behind it was pure. I wanted to take care of them. I wanted to help. But I didn't have the time to roll my sleeves up. So love arrived in boxes.

I didn't even realize I was doing it.

Spending was my right hand. Reaching for the wallet was pure muscle memory.

Then I left.

This year, I've been learning to reach with my left hand. It's slower. It's not natural. But it's the hand that works best for me.

A year into building my own business — work that is deeply meaningful, helping people navigate their careers and their lives — my income looks very different. It's baby steps. It's unknown. And I knew this transition would test my relationship with money.

Last month, it did. I go deep on my blogs, but this one is particularly raw for me because it really tested me. A provider who is balancing a new way of providing while investing in myself by transitioning to this work that fuels me as a human.

The England Football/Soccer team were playing in Atlanta. Arguably one of the most exciting moments in my family's football life. Anyone who knows us knows all three kids are soccer players and England fans since birth. Tickets were available. And they were very, very expensive.

Old me wouldn't have thought twice. Five tickets. Done. Next problem. The right hand was ready to hit 'buy'.

But my gut was clear, and I'm a big believer in the gut. I did not want to buy those tickets. I wanted to celebrate the occasion differently.

What I want to share with you is that this was not a clean moment of clarity.

There was a voice in my head that said: this is England. Your kids have been England fans since birth. You can make this happen with one click. That's what you do. That's what you've always done. You're the provider.

I recognized that voice.

And there was another voice — steadier — that said no.

My gut knew from the very first moment. But knowing and being okay are two different things. I had to sit with guilt: was I denying my kids a memory? I had to sit with identity: if I'm no longer the person who makes everything possible with money, then who am I? I had to sit with fear: is this what the next chapter looks like — saying no to things we love?

While my income looks very different, the truth is, there is income and stock. This wasn't about could I afford it. It was about who I am choosing to be now and how I want to live.

And still — it was hard. Both things were true at the same time.

That's the part nobody tells you about transitions. A decision can be clear and still cost you something. Peace isn't the absence of struggle. Peace is what's left after you've done the work.

And I did the work. Because muscle memory doesn’t rewire itself. Practice rewires it.

Here's the added beauty:

Because I was home this spring — actually present, actually listening — my kids told me about the Fan Fest. We signed up for a handful of events. And it turns out, without even realizing it, I had signed up for five tickets to the Fan Fest on the very day England were playing. I had no idea back in May. Because of my new job, because of the time it affords me to spend with my children, we were covered on match day. It was a sign.

So instead of the stadium, we went to the Fan Fest around the corner.

I spent most of my global career working with Coca-Cola as a client — a brand I love so dearly. And one of the highlights of my year was standing in the Coca-Cola pavilion line, exactly like I did when I was fifteen years old. Queuing for thirty minutes to get the flag. The fake tattoo. The England paint on my face. Simple pleasures, really.

Money didn't buy that moment. Presence did. My new job did. I did.

I'm still learning to lead with my left hand. It's still slower. But it's holding everything that matters.

I was at peace with this decision from the very start.

That didn't make it easy.

I am sharing this deeply personal story because the more I write, the more I believe I can help others. So if you are considering a new career, going back to school, or simply taking a much deserved break, I hope this helps. If this resonates, I'd love to hear from you — drop a comment or reach me on the contact page.

#careertransitions

#workingidentity

#authenticleadership

Harvard Glacier July 3, 2026