Why Leaving a Job Shakes Your Identity
By Hetal Joshi Gordon | Dream Big, Think Big
Imagine being pulled out of school in the middle of the year. Your friends, your routine, your place in the pecking order, all gone. And you didn’t even get to say goodbye.
That's what it can feel like when a job ends, whether you were laid off, burned out, or walked away on your own.
Our waking hours
We spend roughly half our waking hours working. Even if you say 40%, that only counts the time you're "in the office." It doesn't include the commute, or logging back on at night. Realistically, it's closer to half.
In my last role, it was often more than that. When I was traveling internationally, there were weeks when 100% of my waking hours went to work.
Putting half your time, energy, and intent into anything defines you, whether you realize it or not. It's like a school you've attended for years. You know it like the back of your hand and it knows you. You take great comfort in that.
Why this is so hard
Right now I'm working with people who have recently been laid off or have left their jobs, and with people who are thinking about leaving. The circumstances are different, but the feeling is the same: overwhelm.
Here's why. Changing jobs, taking a career break, or processing a layoff is hard because you were all in, and then suddenly you're not. It's a huge shock to the system. It's what happens when you've poured that much of yourself into one thing, one place.
Even a move you choose is a transfer to a new school. It's still hard, because you're leaving a place where you belonged.
My experience
I got so burned out that I needed a break. It coincided with my kids getting older and one headed to college soon. That timing is what finally forced my pause.
But it took me a long time to accept it. My identity was never just one thing:
Outside of work: daughter, mother, wife, aunt, best friend
At work: leader, VP, money maker, partner, mentor, boss, friend
When I gave up my job, I lost that entire second list at once. It was a huge adjustment, and it took a long, long time to process. Even 15 months later, it is still a process.
If you didn't choose this
If this wasn't your choice, know that it will take time to separate your identity from your work identity. You're allowed to be the new kid for a while.
Creating space for that, and taking the time to process it, is what lets you decide intentionally what fills those hours next, instead of rushing to fill the gap.
So what's your next school?
Another job that's similar?
Working for yourself?
Going back to school, literally?
As I tell my clients: you choose. And that's the greatest thing you can do.
Give yourself the space to process, to heal, and to choose what you want to do next. You deserve it.
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